chapter five: may.

May has been difficult.

You know those months that drag, weighing you down with the feeling of not really getting anywhere; like being stuck out at sea, trying to swim back to shore against a relentless tide, and no matter how much effort and energy you put into swimming you never quite reach the safety of land. 

That's exactly how May has felt.

I have definitely had worse months in my life, but I think May has been my sit and think about everything month of 2016. When something happens that forces you to take time out of everything and let yourself slow down to allow time to recover, everyday things get difficult. 

Firstly, physically.

For nearly two months now, I haven't been able to walk properly. Whether that be struggling to move from my bed, on crutches, one crutch or limping around. It's been tough. As someone who's been very active, constantly playing sports and keeping on my feet, throughout my life, to then suddenly be unable to even stand on my own two feet without help has been a challenge. Strength is building up and I'm nearly there. The lack of driving and even walking has meant relying on others a lot, and for those people that have given me lifts and walked with me around and about, I thank you.

Secondly, emotionally.

I'm not one for being an emotional person, I keep to myself a lot and if I'm going to cry, it'll be once every few months, when everything has got too much. Well, I think this month everything got too much, too often. The past couple of months have been tough, and they've flown by very quickly, I've tried to keep busy and keep going; but that all caught up with me. Frustration and helplessness has been rife this past month, which has therefore led to many tears and that gets boring, and fast.

Finally, mentally.

Luckily, I've had amazing people surrounding me, without them I'm sure I would have been in a much worse state. I've also had lots of work and event planning, which has kept me on my toes and once I'd found motivation to get on and do it, kept my mind focused. However, I would be lying if I said I hadn't spent a week in bed, two times over. I've had days of intense anxiety, which hasn't been fun, but I've made it to the other side and whilst it'll never go away completely, it's back 'under control'.

May and June haven't been the best of months to me in the past, mainly thanks to exams, but I'm feeling stronger this time round. I've got through May, and now I'm tackling June head on, meetings, work, events, catching up with friends I haven't seen in quite some time, being able to drive further than twenty minutes down the road without my knee swelling up and being a pain (yes literally) and making it to 1st July and heading to a festival is all I'm focused on now.

(side note: this blog post was written in two halves, at two very different times, I apologise if it jumps, but without wanting to edit it too much, I've just kind of left it how I typed it out...)

chapter three / four: march and april.

So as always, there's been a slight delay in this blog (i mean when isn't there - you must be used to it now!)

March was another funny one, I think it was more up than it was down, which was refreshing after the past six months. I decided to take some time out and restart myself a little, I thought it worked.

Work was a really big part of March, everything started moving forward and i actually started feeling positive about where i was going with things. with a lot more work came the decision to really enjoy a week on holiday with some of the family; we stayed in a bungalow, quite literally in the middle of nowhere (picture the town that Hot Fuzz is set in...) However, all jokes aside, it was a lovely place and close enough to certain places to enjoy days out etc. and whilst we had 'typical British weather', we managed to make the most of the sun when it did make guest appearances.

Because of the work and holiday side of March taking up most of my time, I didn't really get up to much apart from an evening up in London, seeing my friends play a gig, and a birthday party, I headed to a random open mic night with a handful of friends and also saw Dani Harmer play Dorothy in an Easter panto (y).

April has been a very different story, it started well, very well; I genuinely felt like everything was starting to go okay, bad brain days were easier to get through and over, and my body was feeling the healthiest it had been for a while.
It started with lots of studio time with two bands, lots more exciting meetings, and a showcase of local and upcoming talent. Then, a dislocated knee, gas and air (which was one of the best experiences ever, might I add), an ambulance ride, x-ray, and a pair of crutches later, I've ended up with a bit of a challenge.

Don't get me wrong, I've still managed to see Newton Faulkner live, go to a couple of open mics, have a couple of trips to the coast, have a couple more meetings etc. but it's becoming increasingly hard. Everything takes a lot more effort, and not being able to drive, or even walk that far is starting to take it's toll. Motivation has always been something I've struggled with and getting out of bed has got hard again. Whilst avoiding feeling sorry for myself; I'm fed up of feeling frustrated. The motto 'everything happens for a reason' is starting to wear thin and the once actually positive humour has slowly turned into dry and harsh sarcasm; I apologise.

Onwards and upwards though, these things are supposedly sent to try us, right?

chapter two: february.

February was yet another 'up and down' kind of month; it was also spent a little bit all over the place, but I think that's just becoming a regular occurrence every month now, I'm getting used to it.

I was reminded how very fragile life can be, and how we can take things for granted, specifically having people in our individual worlds. I also learnt that the shortest month in the year, can flash past, but also feel like the longest month in the year - time is weird concept isn't it? 

Despite a lot of 'stuff' happening, I've surprised myself by managing to keep up to date with all my work (where possible), and looking back and seeing the week and a bit I spent in bed, I'm really not sure how that happened. 

Still, there were definitely highlights of February, which included my car passing it's MOT (because when you own a car and are an 'adult', that's a small little victory you take whilst you can haha). I spent the extra day of the year being extremely productive and also went out in the evening to see 'Aggers and Tuffers', which was a brilliant evening out, it was a much needed couple of hours full of laughter. 

I also went on a very last minute trip to Spain, and whilst it was an incredibly bittersweet couple of days, I did manage to enjoy moments. So here's a couple of photos from that trip... 

I also got to film with my friend Kieron (ItsKieron), so we did some tag / challenge videos for both our channels, and I also uploaded a blog post on here mid way through Feb (I told you, I'd attempt to post at least once a month, I'm sticking to it so far... only 10 more months to go... Haha) 

But I've embedded them below, so if you haven't had a chance to watch them (or want to watch them again) you can do: 

Bean Boozled Challenge (link)

Most Likely To... Qs (link)

Chubby Bunny Challenge (link)

til next time! 

 - evan :)

human's best friend.

only recently have i realised how grateful i am for dogs. a strange opening sentence you may think, but a true statement nonetheless. some are a cat person, some are a dog person, some are another kind of person, and some are none. but i am definitely a dog person.

in recent weeks i have spent more time around dogs and noticed how much of a calming effect they can have on me; they ease anxiety, lift sadness and in general bring a smile to my face. we recently adopted a rescue dog; a staffie bull terrier named Jade, and lovingly nicknamed dobby when she lifts her ears and tilts her head slightly every now and then. it's been wonderful to see how her presence has made such a difference in my sisters life, and has had a knock on effect for the rest of us too.

it's surprisingly nice to be woken up by a dog poking her head up to the side of your bed in the mornings, jumping on you for a quick cuddle and then half hour later making sure you're up and downstairs (because if you're not you're getting a wet nose all over your hand...) and throughout the day or in the evenings being good company when needed.

however, recently i've also seen another side of how having a dog can be beneficial and also kind of a sad thing too. i stayed in a house with five dogs last week, one of their owners had recently passed away and slowly you watched them sense something was up. the day we arrived they were full of energy, bouncy and lively dogs; as our visit neared the end the characteristics slowly changed and they all became more subdued and followed their other owner around a lot more, keeping them company and clearly sensing a sadness and emptiness in the air. waiting for their human to arrive back home, laying by the gate hoping they'd return once more and eventually it sinking in and lying on the sofa with a solemn glimpse in their eye.

dogs love humans just as much as we love them; and i think it's fair to say when we lose a best friend we'll be sad, but oddly i'd never thought of it from a dogs point of view. i don't know where i was going with this blog post, just appreciating dogs, life and seeing a life event through another species eyes to help my brain a little bit i think.

- til next time,
evan.

chapter one: january.

I had originally planned to put together a video for January and post that today alongside this blog post, but that's still in the process of being edited and I really don't have that many video clips from the past month, so I'm not sure that's even going to get posted?

However, here's a blog for a Sunday read...

January has been a weird month, an average month and full of ups and downs. It started productive and positive and has ended pretty much that way too, but I think it's fair to say there was a dip in the middle.
I think this is the first month in a very long time that I've managed to upload on time every day there is a blog due on Music In Time, which hopefully paves the way for the rest of the year too. I know that the same can't be said about this blog etc. but it's a starting place and I think that's what we need to focus on... :P

Music has been a huge part of the past 31 days, whether that be gigs that I've been to, the evenings spent just chilling listening to music with friends or the few songs that I've finally managed to return to and finish myself.
This last week in particular has been a good one; starting with Dad's birthday last weekend, catching up with one of the best friends for a gig on Monday, we saw Eliza and the Bear, and they were pretty incredible live! Then Wednesday I caught up with a small group of 'besties' (I hate saying that but it seemed to fit... Hah) for dinner and a quick game of articulate - we definitely know how to live!
Thursday saw me head to Camden to see another best friend play a gig with his band Risk, they did a great job considering how ill 2/3 of them were! Yesterday involved scouting about for a field to use for our next music event, and today I'm heading to see Hozier in London, which I'm pretty hyped about.

I haven't done any reading this month, well apart from a bit of Stuart Little last night... and I haven't been to the cinema or watched any particular films that have stood out, apart from Robots the other night and God Help The Girl, the latter I watched about five times in the space of one week... Although I'm enjoying Pretty Little Liars being back and watching old seasons of Hell's Kitchen... What has my life come to?

Anyways, that's it for now, expect a blog in the next 29 days, and I'll make more of an effort to do some filming every now and then in February!

Until next time!
- evan. :)

hello twenty sixteen.

hello twenty sixteen, it's nice to see you.

i'm pretty hyped for this year to be honest, i've already got tickets for a few gigs, a festival and we're already starting to make plans and grow ideas for Music In Time Presents... which is a scary but exciting prospect.

i don't really think i have any resolutions this year, just to continue on from the second half of last year, and as usual a couple of things i'd like to overcome or get done to a certain extent; from smaller things like watching specific films or reading a couple of books, to bigger things like having healthier and more regular eating patterns, continuing to control / overcome anxiety and connected brain behaviours when i get tired or stressed, being more decisive and going on at least one 'adventure'.

on the whole 'internet world' side of things, i am aiming to blog at the very least once a month, create and upload a video at the very least once a month, and regularly upload on Music In Time Blog. i'm currently struggling to come up with ideas, but i'm hoping i'll get waves of creativity throughout the year and that will fuel blog ideas etc. that i can draft. ideally, i'd like to be uploading once a week but i'm not going to pressure myself to stick to that, especially with what i'm hoping to get done this year...

happy new year to you all, and hope 2016 treats you well.

'til next time!
 - evan. :)

goodbye twenty fifteen.

Well, it's the end of another year, another fast year and I'm not sure how I feel about the whole ordeal really. I'm not desperate for the year to end but I'm not desperate for it to continue past 365 days, it's been an average year, starting off pretty poor but picking up around the middle.

At the start of the year, I said I wanted to do more and I think overall I've succeeded...

Rest More 
I definitely didn't do less, but I made sure that if I needed a day off, I had one, or if my brain was telling me to stay in bed for a day (or in a couple of cases, a few days) I did. I still filled my time too much, but overall I think I did alright with that resolution.

Read More
I absolutely smashed this one in comparison to the past few years, and I'm pretty sure I reached my target of 12 books, and I've definitely rekindled my love for getting lost in a book as easily as I can get lost in music.

Do More
Well, 2015 was the year the adventures started... There were many day trips out and mini adventures with friends and family, including a couple of days away with a friend to Selsey, a trip with Kieron and Lai in Edinburgh (wow what an experience that was), a weekend trip to Bath and a week holiday in Weymouth with family. (However, the exercise part of that resolution was unsuccessful...)

Create More
A difficult one to measure... Because of my creative writing course at sixth form, yes I created more and Music In Time Blog's blog posts have gone up to three blog posts a week, so in that sense, yes I've created more this year, and I attempted VEDA on my YouTube channel, however, the rest of the year round there have been little gaps where I didn't upload on MIT Blog and this little corner of the internet was abandoned many times, so that one needs a little work in 2016 I think...

Enjoy More
Accepting my brain can be a little crap at times happened this year, granted after I finished sixth form and was able to never see a certain few people ever again, but that allowed me to make the most of the good days and really live in those moments. It would be fair to say the turning point was August 12th when I went to the middle of a field on a hill and watched a meteor shower with two of my best friends, with exam results the following day... I've managed to truly enjoy trips around the UK and make memories with friends and family that will stay with me for a very long time, so yeah I reckon I did a good job of that one.

The first half of 2015 wasn't particularly great, I smashed my phone screen twice in one month, fell out with a teacher over the partial solar eclipse and a couple of other random events, it started picking up when I passed another A Level and finally left sixth form...
The second half of 2015 have been a big six months, travelling to Edinburgh, Bath, Weymouth, Selsey and many other places in the UK; full of live music and evenings of music chilling playing FIFA, or Articulate (depending on which group of friends I'm with), I also got to see Billy Elliot with my Dad this year, which was an incredible show and is now in my Top 3 musicals...

2015 has also been another year for lots of live music, and I finally got to go to Barn on the Farm Festival (and I've got my ticket for next year too, so that's something I'm hyped about), we went to Wembley to see Doctor Who: Symphonic Spectacular (which was incredible), I saw Rae Morris live (at last), Meadowlark and Amber Run (a couple of times), Little Comets, experienced the end of Edinburgh Fringe, Ryan Keen, S Club 7 (well three of them), The Wombats, Martin Luke Brown, Wheatus (yes I got to sing along to Teenage Dirtbag live!) and The 1975 again.

On the penultimate note of music, here's a quick summary of Music In Time Blog's 365 days... I have been asked to review James Bay's debut album, The Ordinary Boys latest album, Little May's debut album and Billie Marten's latest EP. I've interviewed Little Comets, Stacey Solomon, Lucy Spraggan, Michael Malarkey, Fred Abbot and Jess & The Bandits. And with the help from a very good friend, Tom, Music In Time went live, we had our first showcase as Music In Time Presents... and it went pretty well, there may even be a couple more in the pipeline for 2016...

As always, the last thing to say is a massive thank you to everyone (well all the wonderful people), that have been a part of my 2015...
Gran, Mum, Misty, Dad, Dave, Dave and everyone else in the fab family, for supporting me, encouraging me, keeping me sane and winding me up too...
Billy, Kieron and Lai, for all the incredible adventures in the past few months in particular, the evenings spent in the car listening to music, playing Articulate and consuming however many calories.
TJ for motivating and inspiring me everyday since 19th August. I couldn't have asked for a better person to be going on this venture with and working alongside you has been fun and annoying at times, but always know I'll probably only sulk for 20 seconds...
Jack for the chilled evenings playing FIFA and listening to sad music.
And anyone else that has got me through 2015 in a better state than previous years, little moments, BBQs, gig nights, parties, Thursdays at Theo or Mahlia's, Football Tuesdays, and many many other highlights of the year.

Thank you 2015. It's been pretty good (y)